Raisins

Leaving aside the troublesome question of genetic engineering implied by seedless fruit, raisins are a healthy all-natural snack to foist on children. Adults, too! Shake a few in the palm of your hand, and clap the hand to your open mouth, as though you heard a morsel of shocking news. Raisins are sun-dried grapes! Sweet and chewy, raisins contain mostly sugar, fructose and glucose. No evil sucrose. A diabetic person can indulge, within reason. Raisins are fat-free, gluten-free, and cholesterol-free. They contain no preservatives, chemicals, emulsifiers, artificial colors, or petroleum distillates. They have a little fiber, and minerals such as copper, iron, and potassium. When it comes to empty calories, you could do worse. Munch away! Raisins come in flavors. There is the golden sultana, the tart red currant, and the exotic Black Corinthian. The one you know best is the wrinkled brown speck, the ugly bug. Who said food has to be pretty to taste good? Add raisins to bland and unpalatable foods like oatmeal, bran muffins, and hominy grits. Their dark, fruity taste provides a much-needed accent. And don’t forget texture! If you really aim to please, add cinnamon and nutmeg. Storage is a cinch. After you open the box, put the raisins in a plastic bag that zips, a bin with a cover that seals, or a glass jar with a rubber ring in a heavy lid that clamps. Refrigerate, or store in a cool pantry or a cellar, so long as the cellar is dry as a bone. If the stair down is dangerous, and the cellar is gloomy, and it smells like mildew and black mold, send a naughty child who deserves to be punished. Raisins will retain their flavor, color, and nutritive value up to two years. They will keep even longer if frozen, and frozen raisins thaw quickly at room temperature. Still, if you have not used the raisins for over two years, why did you buy them in the first place? At the back of the cupboard, while searching for something else, you may happen on a box of raisins for which you are not responsible. On closer inspection, you may find the raisins have hardened into a brick the size and shape of the box. The sugar crystallizes, and the raisins turn to candy, edible if your teeth are sound and you like to gnaw. To de-clump the brick, use a spoon or a spatula to pry the raisins apart. Or pick at them with your fingers, which will get sticky and gross. To chop raisins, toss one cup raisins with one teaspoon oil, and rapidly cut with a French knife. Also called a chef’s knife, this is a steel blade about eight inches long and curved at the tip. Surely you have one of these. To plump raisins, cover them with very hot tap water, and soak for two to five minutes. They will transform to purple globes, like aphids swollen with sap that you pick off tomatoes in the garden, or ticks engorged with blood that you find on the dog. Longer soaking will result in loss of flavor and nutritive value. Use an egg timer, a miniature hourglass, or a device that clicks like a bomb about to explode. Drain before using. If the children have been good, reward them with a game of Snap Dragon. Sprinkle raisins in a shallow bowl filled with brandy, turn off the lights, and set the brandy ablaze. One at a time, pluck the raisins with bare fingers, and try not to get burnt. The dragon is the flickering blue flame.